I wish I had some words of inspiration for this crisp new white paper (or web page) which is the beginnings of my blog, a personal affirmation at least. A new dawn, a new day, a new blog? Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. But there is no doubt that the new year brings with it a sense of new purpose and possibilities.
I state my purpose for creating this blog straight up. I’m a fatty. It’s easy to say but harder to write. I am very overweight and desperately unhappy about it. I have tried to perceive my weight as being just part of who I am – a happy, bubbly person, confident in herself. But that’s all crap too really….
So, with no new resolutions to set me up for inevitable failure, instead I decide 2010 is the year for all things new. I’ve been scared for far too long- so I start here, my first “jump in”. Here I hope to find a new sense of accountability for doing something that I have been unable to do for quite some time- lose weight. However, I need to stick to my no resolution rule. For this reason, I will not say I need to lose 25kg this year (although in fact I do) but I reframe the task to include my “new life”.
I got to thinking – how would weight loss bring new things into my life? Well, for starters it would not include the following:
- Cheese, cheese and more cheese
- Always going to the back of the rack when buying clothes
- Secretly hoping for the closest car park and cursing the toolman when he parks as far away as possible- (I hope to one day soon cry with joy at the opportunity to stretch my fat legs)
- Granny knickers
- Watching a purchased exercise video while sitting on the couch eating jelly
- Hiding from the camera when previously it was my great life work to get my head in at least the bottom corner
- Granny knickers…did I mention that one already? All I ask for is something with just the slightest hint of lace or femininity
- Almost crying while I watch loved ones eat heavy sourdough bread
- Mentally doing all sorts of nasty things to those eating the bread
- Despising those who so obviously don’t have a weight problem exclaiming, “oh, I can’t have that (usually miniscule) piece of something (usually cheese)”
- And for me the most humiliating – quickly claiming that I am purchasing for my svelte sister when shop assistants look at me in shock horror as I approach the change rooms with a too-tight something to try on.
Yes, I could go into all sorts of physiological reasons why I need a lifestyle change. Diabetes, heart disease, cholesterol…but I’m only 25 and these things are rarely at the forefront of a young woman’s mind. I just want to feel better and not live such a toxic life, consumed with negative thoughts about myself and others.
It should be said that last year I did successfully start the journey (I swear that’s the last time I’ll say “journey”…cringe), losing 10 and a half kilos over six months. However, it should also be noted that at times it was a half-assed effort accompanied with a good dollop of rage (think sour dough). Also think toolman hubby on the couch with a packet of cheesy corn chips.
So I ask all those granny knicker wearing friends of mine, come with me. Join the year of all things new as we combat mid-night snacking, cheesy platters and it has to be said, hauling our collective derriere uphill.
P.s. G-strings, boxers, briefs, and nudies also welcome.