The Text in Context

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The past week has had me asking some pretty serious questions. The query at the frontline of my proverbial war on words has been “what makes me happy?”

I lost nearly a kilo this week which had me in a lather of personal achievement (for all of five minutes) but was soon overshadowed with the sense that the monkey on my back is far from falling off with a swift slap to the head, instead preferring to fang in with even greater savour.  

I have all the signs of coming of age. I now accept the eccentricities that are me: I keep a pen in my bra, I like to read a map upside down, I like to wear woollen shawls (and prefer to call them “capes”), I occasionally wrap my cat in muslin and rock her like a baby (put the phone down PETA, she loves it, I’m telling you), I prefer flat shoes for any occasion, and nothing warms my cockles more than a good size plastic container.

So having matured enough to accept all that with open arms, I can only think that my general displeasure comes from desiring most what I cannot have. I have been prescribed a rather nasty medication for a rather nasty disorder of the skin that has rather nastily (have I said nasty?) reared its ugly head in the past ten months.

In the same way that some may be envious of my curls and rather ample bosom (even if the toolman predicts that in time “deck hitters” may be a better description), I am envious of those with smooth and unbroken skin. The psoriasis I have developed has left me with scaly and occasionally bleeding hands and feet; a rather gruesome affliction for a young woman.

The drama continues as previous treatments have proven ineffective and it is now considered a reasonable therapy to try a rather toxic drug. Side effects aside, babies are off the cards whilst on the drug which may mean a few years without child.

“What me wants, me can’t have” as someone rather gloomy and blue (me) once said.

Ovaries, mental health and crusty complaint aside, I try to convince myself that things can only get better. There’s always another uniquely shaped plastic container to add to the collection….

And then, when things just seem too much and I’m delirious enough to ask the heavens why someone up there is intent on withholding me the most special of gifts, I open the good book. Give me a sec…this may not be going where you think it is.

I have three loving and loyal siblings. One of them, the eldest is a considered communicator and rarely says much without some forethought. The other two, bless them, say some important and meaningful things but you generally have to wait patiently for these little gems to pop up between much loved scandal and chat.

One day, about a year ago, the eldest gave me a book which at the time I thought was an odd gift. But later, upon opening it, I realised it was his way of saying, “Keep your chin up. I love you”. It’s times like these that I open the “good book” and read from it.

“I’m afraid that some times

you’ll play lonely games too.

Games you can’t win

‘cause you’ll play against you.

 All alone!

Whether you like it or not,

Alone will be something

you’ll be quite a lot.

 And when you’re alone, there’s a very good chance

you’ll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.

There are some, down the road between hither and yon,

that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.

 But on you will go

Though the weather be foul.

On you will go

Though your enemies prowl….

 ….On you will hike,

And I know you’ll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are…

 …You’re off to Great Places!

Today is your day!

Your mountain is waiting.

So…get on your way”

 – Oh, The Places You’ll Go (Dr. Seuss) –

When in trouble, some have the Bible, some the Qur’an, I have Dr. Seuss.

And that’s what big brothers are for…

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3 responses »

  1. Hauling – forgive me for being too lazy to read through every post you have written to remember if you ever wrote about having a thyroid or hypothalamus disorder…

    Have you been diagnosed with either?

    I am curious because I know of someone that had a terrible time with her skin, like you described…

    She was being treated for depression and strong mood swings at the same time, but her doctors never put them together.

    Then she was finally seen by an endocrinologist who immediately ran antibodies tests on her and found the real problem.

    I’m just shooting in the dark here, but…

    Gia

    • Thanks Gia!

      That sounds interesting- I have had my thyroid checked out as part of the diagnosis process. Feel like I’ve had just about every test done that could be and every medication tried.

      My friend laughs cos any time she comes across a med, I say “Oh, I’ve had that!”

      Thank you so very much for giving me the information though, that was super nice of you!

      Hauling

      • Hauling – My questions relate to a metabolic issue that most doctors do not know how to properly diagnose.

        For 15 years I had a thyroid problem that went undiagnosed because I was borderline hypo and the correct tests were not done (even though 12 out of 13 female relatives have all had sever thyroid histories).

        Are you seeing a GP or an internist? Have you had all 7 thyroid tests ran of just the t3 & t4 tests? Have any of your doctors told you why they did not feel an antibodies test was warranted? Have you ever been to an endocrinologist?

        The combo of depression, weight gain and skin condition are strong symptoms of a hormone imbalance. I had to fight with my doctors tooth & nail to get them to analyze the tests in the right way. Many of my friends had to do the same thing.

        god, I hope I am not being a pest. If you tell me to just shut up, I totally will. : )

        Gia

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