Dear Fat Me

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Celebrating a birthday, now almost four years ago. It's taken me this long and one toddler to get where I am now. So close.

Celebrating a birthday, now almost four years ago. It’s taken me this long and one toddler to get where I am now. So close.

 

Dear Fat Me,

No disrespect and I know you’ll take no offence at the name but I just felt it was time we had a little chat. We tend to have little conversations all through the day you and I, struggling to live together harmoniously but here, today I thought I would give you a little bit of time.

The thing is, you’re fading away. Slowly but surely you are shrinking and whilst I jump joyously every time I see that a little bit more of you is gone I feel like you are fighting for your life and demanding some respect from the woman you have lived with for so long now. Like last night when you convinced me to try some of the chocolate cake I had made for the Toolmans birthday. “Just a little bit” was your campaign after everybody else was in bed. But today on the scales, nonetheless, I saw another 2 kilos of you gone, which makes it over 30kilos gone now since this all began.

But just in case you thought I really  didn’t care, I just wanted to say this…

Even when you are gone for good which I am hoping is only a few more months away, I will always remember how you protected me and kept me company when I had nowhere else to turn. What a good but toxic friend you have been to me. In the depths of depression, you made me feel ok for the five minutes I was eating my sadness away. When I was overcome with memories, like any other drug, the food I would medicate myself with took everything away. Chew, chew, swallow.

Few people understand this.

And when I was pregnant and the world was a happy place and I regained the weight I had lost simply because I couldn’t put the biscuits down , you were always good company to have around in front of the T.V. You’ve never once asked me if “I should be eating that” and you certainly never talk about “carbs” and “protein”. You are simply all about the party.

The thing is, I know how sad you are. How you look at yourself in the mirror and cry. How you admire your sister for her beautiful legs and taught stomach. How you’ve forever felt you were simply “the fat one”. How you hide from you husband in case he sees you in the shower. Fat Me, you are so ashamed and so sad ALL THE TIME about the way you look, I quite simply have had to step in and rescue you.

We’ve got Bella now and there’s no way on this good earth  I will see her write a schizophrenic letter to her fatter self in 28 years, no way. Which is why you’ve got to go and the crazy needs to stop here. Well maybe not the crazy, just the fat letters.

I’ve been afraid to write this letter because simply put, I always suspected you would win. But now, with less than 10 kilos to go, I’ve started having some new suspicions; that I may just get to the finish line before you. I’ve even started doing more than suspecting it; I do believe I now know it. I’m happy for us to team up and simply become the round ones, the plump ones, the curvaceous ones, as long as we are the healthy ones. And we are nearly there, right at the pointy end now, so if you don’t mind I need you to jump on board the gravy train (I’m just teasing you now aren’t I?) and either join me or die completely.

I truly hold so much love and affection for you because of what you have done for me over the years. I’ll think of you eating cheese and quince paste in heaven.

My warmest affections,

Shrinking Me.

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3 responses »

  1. Oh dear! Tears in my eyes. You have really nailed the reasons why so many women (especially ones at home) overeat. It is such a battle with no set ‘lunch break’ and the food shopping temptress too! What is helping you get through the temptation the most? x Bec

  2. What a truly beautiful and amazing letter Shrinking You. I am so proud of you and in awe of how well you know yourself. Some of us take a lifetime trying to understand ourselves and our poor self image and never get there. As I have always said in moments of brutal honesty in talking to another “plumpie”, being overweight is TOTALLY life defining and determines the life you live, shutting down almost all the potential and possibilities of the life you dream of having. You have taken on this “shutdown” with all the intelligence and strength you have and with the burning desire not to shut down even one little experience of a happy life for Bella to share with you. No more inhibited Mummy, just the beautiful,smart,funny and inspiring woman she will grow to admire and respect so much. My Mum is cool is what you will here her say one day and she will be so right. x

    Date: Fri, 10 May 2013 03:49:27 +0000 To: shauneenweate@hotmail.com

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